Channeling my inner buzzfeed for some Christmas content cheer.
ELF
What this says about you: You are EXTREMELY into Christmas and loud and proud about it. You decorate your work space like a Christmas village every year and hand-write cards for every person you’ve ever met (how do you find their addresses?). Your tree goes up November 1 and stays there until January 30 because you like how the lights make your living room look magical. This would be annoying if it didn’t make you so goddamn happy, and that happiness is infectious.
Rudolf the Red-Nose Reindeer
What this says about you: You are a kid at heart, and that kid is a FULL weirdo. You like the story, sure, but there’s also something about the off-kilter stop-motion animation and the reindeers’ dead-eyed stares that appeals to you. That’s totally cool, by the way. As Rudolf teaches us, being a weirdo is awesome! Especially if your weirdness can be exploited by capital. Hooray?
The Nightmare Before Christmas
What this says about you: The obvious answer here is: “You have at least one skull up as a decoration all year round.” You are probably getting ready to comment, “lol just one?!?” I see you. I also see someone who hates people, but likes your people. You love gift-giving but hate both Commercialized Christmas and Religious Christmas. You compromise by doing Christmas your way – with skulls! Keep doing you, boo.
The Santa Clause
What this says about you: You’re not super into Christmas – that is, until around mid-December, and then the lights and music and the spirit of the season finally gets to you and your heart is filled with Christmas magic. And then you go shopping, and all that goodwill evaporates. And then you see the snow falling on a crisp night and you think, gee that’s beautiful. And then you have to go shovel. You have a love-hate relationship with this season. Also you might be a lawyer now.
It’s A Wonderful Life
What this says about you: You like your Christmas movies with a light dusting of social commentary. You can’t help but focus on how much debt is accrued this time of the year and how corporations make so much money and give so little of it back. You will donate to food banks and charities, but you’ll also remind people that food banks are not a part of the social safety net and are in fact a sign of its failure. You also probably hate banks, which, honestly, good for you.
Miracle on 34th Street
What this says about you: You’re not that into Christmas movies. Like, you will watch them if they happen to be on TV, but you don’t seek them out. This is also your attitude to Christmas in general – it’s something you do every year, but you’re just going through the motions. It’s nice to see friends, but it’s built up too much and it’s too busy and it costs too much. It’s nice for the kids, though.
Hallmark Channel Movies
What this says about you: You are into Christmas for the ~*~vibe~*~. This time of the year can be extremely stressful, but not for you! For you, it’s about being chill, relaxed, comfy. You will wear the ugliest warm socks and the tackiest plaid pajamas and sink into your couch with your hot chocolate and Baileys and leave the world behind. You are not into these movies for the story – how could you be? Watching Hallmark movies is about achieving a state of Christmas zen. And there is a LOT of zen to watch.
Home Alone
What this says about you: If “Elf” is for the extroverted Christmas lovers, “Home Alone” is for the introverts. There’s a lot you find appealing about this movie – all the lights, music, and fun of Christmas, with none of the people. In fact, the few people who do try to come over in this movie get tortured and set on fire. Delightful! You are super into the elaborate schemes Kevin uses to avoid social interaction and wish you could implement some of them in your life. In non-Christmastime, you watch Rube Goldberg machines on YouTube.
The Grinch Who Stole Christmas
What this says about you: Like The Grinch, you are mean and catty but in a fun and creative way. For you, Christmas is about seeing people you don’t normally get to see — and dragging them for filth right to their faces. You have caused A Scene more than once at the big family gathering. You love ugly sweater parties and boozy eggnog and White Elephant and cheating at charades – anything to bring a bit of drama to the season. You sleep soundly knowing your friends, family, and coworkers will be talking about your Christmastime antics all year ’round.
Die Hard
What this says about you: You are more into the letter of the law than the spirit of the law – or the spirit of the season. You don’t really care if “Die Hard” is a Christmas movie or not; you just like challenging people on their expectations. Christmas is a grift to you anyway – why not treat it like one? Sure, you appreciate slush and turkey and getting a few days off as much as the next person, but if you could have those things WITHOUT having to put up lights or visit your in-laws, you’d be happier. Yuppee kayak, mother lovers! Pass the Quality Street.
A Christmas Carol – Any Version
What this says about you: This is for people who like a little morality in their Christmas movies but think “It’s a Wonderful Life” is too suicide-y. You try to keep Christmas old-school – it’s about helping others, OR ELSE. You are also probably an English teacher, and if your go-to is “A Muppet Christmas Carol,” it means you are A Cool English Teacher. B)
National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation
What this says about you: You have zero time for Christmas. It is a thing to be endured, and barely. You appreciate this movie because Clark Griswold is so relatable to you – while you’re laughing, you’re thinking, “It’s funny because it’s true!” The only Christmas ornament you would willingly hang on a tree is Cousin Eddie waving in his underwear while holding his sewage hose. (I probably could have phrased that better.) You have “always wanted to try stand-up comedy.”
A Charlie Brown Christmas
What this says about you: You are severely depressed. Please watch anything else this year. We are all worried about you.
A Christmas Story
What this says about you: You do not like Christmas. You think it’s tacky and expensive and stressful and fake, and you would rather be spending your time and money on anything else. Buuuuut you love decorating, and you love hosting, and you love gift-giving, and you love seeing your friends and family, and Christmas is an excuse to do all that. You refuse to go all-out on Christmas, but the traditions you do choose to participate in, you do with thought and care and love. You also have an unexpected fascination with guns.
Love, Actually
What this says about you: Ok, so first of all — maybe you have ADHD? Like I don’t want to internet psychologize too much, but if you love the movie where there are 10 different stories and you only have to pay attention to each segment for like 2 minutes before it switches to a new story and then another and another — maybe there is a reason for that? Even if it’s not ADHD, liking “Love, Actually” means you want ALL OF THE STORIES. You want to laugh and cry and get mad and feel dread and feel righteous and feel like love is a lie and go “aww” and “ARRGH” and “uhhhh” all in under 15 minutes. You don’t know what you want, but you want something, and you appreciate that this movie gives it to you in a easy-to-digest package with one kickass musical number.
Carol
What this says about you: You are a lesbian.
Veronica Dymond 