Hello, and welcome to “Lesbian Trash Panda,” the section of my blog where I write exclusively and in too much detail about stories where ladies are into other ladies.
I was a closeted teen and then, for a long time, a closeted adult. When I started the process of realizing my sexuality, I consumed any media with the faintest hint of lesbians or lady kissing. Books, movies, music, TV, whatever.
A lot of it was… not super great? But I took it all in anyway. I never talked about it with anyone – I was a bit of a loner, and also closeted, and also liking things was Nerd Shit when I was a youth. But I always wanted to share my passion for queer stories with others.
I am older now, and a proud nerd, and also a proud gay. I still devour massive amounts of queer media, but the difference is that said media has a much greater chance of actually being… good? Stories about women who love women (wlw) are more abundant than ever. There’s so much good new stuff – and there’s plenty of great old stuff, too.
“Lesbian Trash Panda” will be a place where I can share my love of wlw stories, gush about them to the point of embarrassment, and learn from others about new stories. I want this place to be inclusive, so occasionally I’ll write about stories that feature gay men, non-binary people, trans people, asexual folks, and frankly anything else I want. I’m just a lil old lesbian racoon digging through the trash for that sweet delicious gay garbage.
So, that’s that! Enough preamble. Let’s get to talking about girlkissing!
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I wanted my first post to be about “Tell Me Again How a Crush Should Feel” by Sara Farizan. This gem of a novel, which I have read mmmmaybe seven times cover to cover, is charming, thoughtful, and fun, while also tackling some heavy issues.
ALL ABOUT THAT TRASH
Summary
High schooler Leila knows she is gay, but keeps her feelings hidden from her American friends and her Iranian parents. When Leila falls for a new girl in school, and said girl might even like her back, she ends up taking on new risks that open her up to more than she expected.
Why You Should Read This (No Spoilers)
You know comfort books, the kind you keep picking up because they make you so happy?
This is one of those for me.
“Tell Me Again How a Crush Should Feel” may have a title that is impossibly long, but it is a quick, cute, charming read. It’s a light high school YA romance that tackles some deep themes with surprising ease.
Our protagonist Leila is Iranian-American, and it’s really great to read a story about a queer Iranian-American who is just, you know, living her life? There’s no offensive assumptions or life-or-death stakes – just a fun, funny kid who tries hard but fails sometimes and gets back up again.
Read this if you are looking for a short and sweet teen coming of age/coming out story with a lot of laughs, a great main character, and charming side characters.
Why I Love This (Yes Spoilers)
Firstly: Leila is such a darling protagonist, I love her and her awkwardness and her terrible decision making and her kind heart.
Second, stories about queer people from non-Western backgrounds are so rare. We need more. Partly because representation is important, yes — but also? It’s just interesting. Leila’s family dynamics are some of my favourite parts of this novel, because it’s something I’ve never seen before.
Third, I love the romance in this. It’s so sweet and smol and dear. Leila is initially into a new student, but this character turns out to be a jerk and Leila winds up dating her old school friend, Lisa, who has had a crush on her since they were kids. They stopped being friends because Lisa didn’t know how to deal with liking Leila, but reuinite in high school. Childhood friends-to-ex-friends-to-friends-again-to-girlfriends? Yes, please.
Ok but I sense am not selling this. Hear me out: At one point, Leila and Lisa talk about how, as a kid, Leila dressed as a pumpkin for Halloween, and Lisa asked her mom to buy her a Cinderella costume because she wanted to match with Leila. SHE WANTED TO MAKE IT A COUPLES’ COSTUME AND THEY WERE CHILDREN. They were a pumpkin and Cinderella. Is that not sweet? Is that not so fucking romantic? I die.
So anyway. This book is great. I devour teen romance like this for breakfast, nom nom nom.
It’s fun, it’s silly, and the main character is charming af.
Queer Context Corner:
The Queer Context Corner is for discussion of works in a larger queer context. (Great tautological description, Vero.) What I mean is, it’s where I talk about an issue in the queer community the work made me consider.
For this story, it’s representation. Queer representation is becoming more prominent across all media. When I was a kid (the 90s, darling), there were virtually no books or movies for teens that had queer characters, let alone queer main characters. Increasingly, we see stories about queer folks or stories that, even if they don’t focus on queerness, have a queer character or several who feel like real people. That’s great. But that’s not the end of it.
Author Sara Farizan has said she wrote “Tell Me Again How a Crush Should Feel” as a story she wished she had seen as a kid. There are not a lot of books about being a queer teen girl, and even fewer as you narrow in on other identity markers such as “Iranian” or “Muslim.”
The canon of queer media tips very heavily toward white, cis, culturally-western perspectives. We desperately need more media featuring characters from outside this view. It’s important for queer Muslim kids to see a protagonist that looks like them, but it’s also important for readers who aren’t queer Muslims to see these characters as well. It helps breaks down preconceptions they may have.
Each new story about a queer person from any underrepresented group adds a new tile to the rich quilt of the 2SLGBTQA+ community. The celebration of difference is what makes queerness beautiful.
Also, personally? It’s just cool to learn new things. I want to know everything about queerness outside of the Western narrative, please inject it directly into my brain, thank you.
I would love to see more stories with queer characters from Iran. I have read Sara Farizan’s debut novel, “If You Could Be Mine,” which is a more serious novel about a more difficult topic and the subject of a post for another day. Feel free to pass along anything else featuring queer Iranian or Muslim characters, especially in the teen range. I’d also love more info on queer Muslims in general, so if you know of anything interesting, send it along! (I have done some reading already, but more sources and perspective always help!)
Ooof, this was a long one. I’ll try to be more brief in the future.
Til the next!
“HEADS UP” CHEAT SHEET (Trigger warnings/rating/etc.)
Age Group: Teen
Is this actually gay? Yes
Does the lesbian die? No!
Triggers? (Rape, violence, domestic violence, etc.) There is a non consensual kiss, an outing, and some racism against the protagonist from shitty characters.
Trauma Meter: Low. The main character is emotionally manipulated by a love interest and outed in a pretty cruel way, but it’s teen-appropriate. Overall it’s a happy book.
How Would I Tag This on AO3?
Wlw, fluff, closeted teen, coming out, iranian-american, first crush, second crush, third crush omg, foot touches are love, some people cannot be trusted, teen drama, theatrical drama, theatrical-teen drama, funny narrator, nerd narrator, matching halloween costumes is love, high school
Veronica Dymond 